The heat has been intense! Even waking up early to wake before the day starts I end up in a sweaty mess. But, I’m determined to soak all of it up before the 8 month long winter comes back, so, each morning this week was pretty much the exact same… me aloud as I wake up, “omg, it’s already hot out”. Then I force myself up, drink all my water, get dressed, sunblock, brush my teeth, lace up and I’m out the door.
I joke about the heat but in spite of it, I love my morning walks. Before I read email, check social media, look at my calendar I soak up sun, fresh air and an audible book. It’s one of my summer faves.
I see some of the same people each morning out walking or running. I always wave and say good morning. Even if they clearly are not trying to make eye contact I will loudly from across the street, “GOOD MORNING! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!” I mean, who doesn’t need that.
“Present Over Perfect”
This book hit me. She talked about how we are each already worthy for who we are, who we are meant to be. We don’t have to hustle and do each day to prove or ear our worthiness. She talked about listening to your inner desires of who you want to be. How you want to spend your time. It’s not about the stuff, or how much we accomplish, it’s about being present, happy, enjoying life. Was a perfect read for me this week as we marked 2 years without my mom.
“Radical Candor” by Kim Scott
You know me and my summer walks with a book so Kim and I are hanging out on Audible each morning. Out of my Audible stack + wish list I picked this one cause it has come up a few times as a recommendation from a friend, and me thinking more about professional goals I want to accomplish, felt like a good time to dive in.
Monday marked 2 years since my Mom passed. Two years. It’s a mix of feeling like yesterday and also feeling like an eternity since I was last able to hug her, hear her voice, her contagious laugh. I miss her which each breathe, every day. A reminder each new thing the kids do or accomplish that she is no longer here to share with. I don’t think that will ever go away, and I’m not sure I want it to.
I had a dream a few weeks back. I woke up and as it was all still crystal clear to me I repeated it aloud to Scott immediately to not forget a thing… I was standing somewhere and life, people. things, surrounded me on all sides. Everything was dim and I couldn’t make it out but I saw my Mom. She said nothing as she came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. She held me tight and still said nothing. I cried. Then as she smiled, with one armed still holding me close she started to point me to one things after another, saying, “I am there… and there…” As she pointed a part of that item would like up the most beautiful with a white/bluish glow. Sometimes the glow was an object, spot, and I clearly remember a bird.
I woke up tears rolling down my face. My pillow was wet from tears as if I had not just started crying. She wasn’t sad, she was happy. She was telling me she is with me and around me always.
As Monday started, I walked finished “Present Over Prefect” (fitting for the day it was), and got ready for the day inspired by Mom. Did my hair how she always liked it, put on blush like she always reminded me to and finished the look off with lipstick, like she always loved when I wore. Then we danced and sang all of her favorite songs. It was a beautiful day.
I’ve survived my hardest days. I’m made it through something that was unimaginably devastating for me to think about. I look around me now and I picture that same white/bluish glow. My Mom is with me always. Knowing that gives space for more happiness when thinking about her. More singing. More dancing. More laughing. More blush and lipstick. That she would love.
- The car ride with my baby girl as I drove her to work… windows down, Taylor Swift playing loudly, and us singing every lyric together.
- Our neighbors I ran into this week while walking. So nice to stop and talk with them for awhile. I appreciate that they stayed to bake in the sun with me for us to catch up and laugh together. Just good people.
- Celebrating July 4th with some friends and family. I may have squeezed you all too hard when I saw you, sorry not sorry. I missed you all deeply over these last months. Be prepared for more tight hugs each time I see you… got lost time to make up for you know.
Failures to Lessons Learned
- When I tell the boys “Put your wet towels from the pool in the laundry.” Best be more specific so they don’t land in the basket of light colored clothes that rarely gets washed. On the upside, the magically combination for remove mold and stains seemed to be long soak in vinegar water, like just forget about it for a good day. Squeeze all the water out of the moldy clothes, forget about them again. Then, scrub the mold stains on clothes with an Oxyclean paste. And you know, just put all that aside and forget about it again. Then wash it all normally… result will be mold and stain free.